For The Man Who Is Done Being Told He Is Fine When He Does Not Feel Fine
You Wake Up Tired. Normal Is Not the Same as Feeling Like Yourself.
You did the bloodwork. Everything came back "in range." You still drag yourself out of bed, crash in the afternoon, snap at your kids over nothing, and feel like a stranger in your own body. Your drive is gone, and you have started telling yourself it is just age.
A single blood draw shows one moment. You feel it all day. The test I run for you follows your cortisol and hormones across a full day. Then I sit down with you on a video call and read it with you, in plain English, so you can see your own pattern.
The test that follows your cortisol and hormones across a full day, plus a video Read Call where Franko reads your results with you.
Regular value $1,243 · Today $547
Here Is What Your Week Probably Looks Like
Waking up tired even after eight hours of sleep, and crashing again by mid-afternoon.
Brain fog so thick that meetings feel like swimming through wet sand and your name almost stops sounding like yours.
Snapping at your kids and your partner over things that did not used to bother you, and feeling like a worse version of yourself the second after you do it.
Weight that will not move no matter how clean you eat or how hard you train, on a body that used to respond to anything.
A drive that has flattened out, at work and in the bedroom, when it used to be the one thing you never had to think about.
A fuse that gets shorter after five, until your own kid checks your face before he asks you a question.
Anxiety that hits at random moments for no reason you can name.
A nagging feeling that something is off, and no clear reason for it.
The suspicion, when the labs keep coming back normal, that maybe the problem is just you.
The quiet thought, sometimes at night, that you do not feel like yourself anymore.
What you feel is real, and it is worth measuring. Feeling this way does not mean you are failing.
In range tells you where a number sits. It does not tell you that you are fine.
If a symptom is new, severe or getting worse, please see a licensed medical provider. Tiredness that stays and has no clear reason also deserves a medical evaluation. This test looks at patterns, and a pattern does not rule out a medical cause.
What If You Could...
Walk into your next doctor visit with your own data and a written summary of your top three findings.
Finally see what your cortisol and hormones are doing across the day.
Sit on a video call with someone who has been where you are and go through your report together.
Stop wondering whether it is stress, age, your hormones, your sleep, or all of it, and see your own numbers on paper.
Stop doing the random internet protocol of the month and start making decisions about your body from a place of clarity.
Ask your questions out loud and hear the report explained, page by page.
The Test + Read Call Is How You Stop Guessing
Order your kit.
You buy through this page and we ship the at-home collection kit to your door. No clinic visits, no waiting rooms, no awkward conversations.
Collect at home.
You collect dried urine samples at set times across one day, on your own schedule. The kit walks you through each one.
Sit down with me and read it.
Your report comes back in about two to three weeks. We meet on a video call and I go through every page with you, in plain English. You leave with the report explained, not a stack of paper.
INTRODUCING
The Test + Read Call With Franko
This is a clear first look at the hormone and cortisol layer of how you feel, without sitting in a hospital. It looks at a full day of what your body is doing.
I ran it on myself when my own labs said I was "fine." Then I trained as a Functional Diagnostic Nutrition Practitioner so I could run it on other men, too.
You get the test. You get me on a video call to read it with you. The exact markers it measures, and the framework I read them through, are listed below.
Here's What You're Going To Get
The full DUTCH Complete test kit
shipped to your door, with step-by-step collection instructions.
A 60-minute Read Call with Franko
where I walk you through every page of your results, on video, in language that actually makes sense.
A private question window for seven days after the call
by email, so you can ask the follow-up questions that always come up once the call ends.
Lab processing through Precision Analytical
the lab that built the DUTCH test, and your complete results report covering your cortisol, your sex hormones and their breakdown products, and the other markers described below.
A written summary of your top three findings
sent to you within 48 hours of our call, so you have something to reference and something to bring to your doctor.
The Cortisol and Hormone Companion
a short pre-call mini-course in three modules: Read Your Day, Build a Quieter Morning, and Your Before Picture. It walks you through how to track your day, build a quieter morning, and take a baseline picture of your body before your test kit arrives, so you show up to the Read Call already knowing what your day looks like.
ONE MORE THING
Plus One Bonus On Top, A Thank-You For Trusting Me With Your First Test
As a thank-you for trusting me with your first test, you also get the 5 Labs Guide, an introduction to five functional lab panels, the DUTCH among them, and the kinds of questions each one may help you explore. Read it while you wait for your DUTCH report to come back. It is the guide I wish someone had handed me the year I was still being told I was fine.
As a thank-you for trusting me with your first test, you also get the 5 Labs Guide, an introduction to five functional lab panels, the DUTCH among them, and the kinds of questions each one may help you explore. Read it while you wait for your DUTCH report to come back. It is the guide I wish someone had handed me the year I was still being told I was fine.
Test, Don't Guess. Here Is Why I Built This.
I spent years guessing. I cut sugar. I cut gluten. I lifted weights. I read the books. Some of it helped. A lot of it did not, because I could not actually see my own body.
I was at Amazon, then at Microsoft, falling asleep at red lights on the drive home, snapping at my son over nothing, and telling myself I was fine because the doctor said I was fine. Then I tested my cortisol across a full day, and the picture was different. That level of detail never showed up in the "normal" panel I had been running for years.
The moment I saw it on paper, I stopped guessing. That is the whole point of this offer. We are not going to throw protocols at a body we have not measured. You are going to test first, sit down with me to read the results, and then you decide what you want to do next. That is the order. Test, then read, then decide.
Why You Can Trust What This Test Tells You
The test is the DUTCH Complete, built and processed by Precision Analytical, the lab that developed it. It is the same panel that functional medicine doctors and Functional Diagnostic Nutrition Practitioners use around the world to read a man's hormones and cortisol. You are getting the panel professionals already trust, run by the lab that made it.
The read is mine. I am a certified Functional Diagnostic Nutrition Practitioner, and before I ran this test for anyone else, I ran it on myself, back when my standard labs said I was fine and I knew I was not. I trained for this specifically so I could sit with a man and turn a report like yours into language he can actually use.
So you get two things you can lean on. A lab-grade test the field already trusts, and someone who has been on both sides of it, the patient side and the practitioner side.
ORDER TODAY, YOUR KIT SHIPS TO YOUR DOOR
What's Included...
The DUTCH Complete test kit, shipped to your door
A 60-minute Read Call with Franko
A seven-day email follow-up window
Lab processing through Precision Analytical and your complete results report
A written summary of your top three findings
The Cortisol and Hormone Companion, a three-module pre-call mini-course
Bonus: the 5 Labs Guide
THAT'S A TOTAL VALUE OF: $1,243
...all for just $547 today
Let's Recap Everything You're About To Get...
DUTCH Complete test kit
60-minute Read Call with Franko
Seven-day email follow-up window
Lab processing through Precision Analytical and your complete results report
Written summary of your top three findings
The Cortisol and Hormone Companion (Read Your Day, Build a Quieter Morning, Your Before Picture)
Bonus: the 5 Labs Guide
Your Investment Today: $547
Three Questions I Get Before You Buy
Why should I trust you to read my labs?
Because I ran them on myself first. I spent years inside Amazon and Microsoft thinking I was fine because my standard labs said so.
I did not feel fine. The DUTCH test and a deeper hormone panel showed me my own pattern. I trained as a Functional Diagnostic Nutrition Practitioner so I could do for other men what I wanted for myself: a careful read, with time to explain it.
Why this test and not just more bloodwork?
Standard bloodwork gives you a single moment in time. The DUTCH gives you a whole day of cortisol, plus your testosterone and your estrogens with their breakdown products, in one collection you do at home. For the symptoms that keep coming back with normal results, it gives you a fuller picture.
Why am I doing this instead of going back to my doctor?
You can do both. The written summary you get is built so you can walk it into your next visit. The difference is that here, you also get someone who will sit with you for an hour and explain your report, not just hand it to you.
The Test + Read Call Offer Is For You If You're Ready To...
Stop guessing about your body and finally see your own numbers on paper.
See your hormones and cortisol across a full day.
Sit on a video call with someone who has been where you are, and walk through the results together in language you can actually use.
Bring real data into your next doctor visit instead of another vague complaint.
Make your next decision about your health with your own report in front of you, not out of panic.
Take the first concrete step before you decide what comes next.
Here is what the call is. It is one hour. I go through your report with you, page by page, in plain English, and you ask whatever you want to ask. That is the point of the Read Call, and it is what you are paying for.
TOTAL VALUE OF $1,243
Together, the kit, the lab work, the Read Call, the written summary, the question window, the 5 Labs Guide, and the Cortisol and Hormone Companion would add up to $1,243 if you bought them piece by piece.
ALL OF THIS FOR JUST $547
Why The Price Is What It Is
The standard hormone consult in most clinics is hundreds of dollars on its own, and it almost never includes a test like this one. I am bundling the kit, the lab work, an hour of my time on a Read Call, a written summary, a follow-up window, the Cortisol and Hormone Companion, and the 5 Labs Guide, and pricing it where a man with a real job and a real family can actually say yes. I do it because the cost of staying confused about your body is higher than any number I could put on this page. Lost years feel a lot more expensive than a lab test.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is this for me?
If you are a man in your late thirties, forties, or early fifties who is exhausted, foggy, flat, and running on fumes, and your results keep coming back normal, this is built for you.
How long until I get results?
About two to three weeks from the day the lab receives your samples. As soon as your report is in, we schedule your Read Call.
What if I am on testosterone therapy?
You are welcome here. Please tell me what you are taking before you collect your samples, because the timing of your collection matters and I read your numbers in the context of your therapy. In the body, testosterone is converted to estrogen, and this test reports your estrogens and their breakdown products alongside your testosterone. I am not going to change your therapy or tell you what to do with it. That stays between you and the doctor who prescribes it. You can bring the written summary to that conversation.
Will you put me on a protocol after the call?
No. This offer is the test and the read. You leave with the report explained. What you do next is your choice. If you want a full protocol after that, we can talk about it separately. The Read Call itself is about giving you the picture, not handing you another plan to follow.
How does the test work?
You collect dried urine samples at set times across one day, on filter paper you leave open to dry, and send the kit back in the mail. The lab processes everything and sends back a full report. You do it all at home.
Do I need a doctor to do this?
You can buy the test and the Read Call on this page. If you have a doctor you love, bring them the written summary afterward. If you do not, you can still go through this on your own. If a symptom is new, severe or getting worse, please see a licensed medical provider. Tiredness that stays and has no clear reason also deserves a medical evaluation. This test looks at patterns, and a pattern does not rule out a medical cause.
What does this test actually measure?
The DUTCH Complete looks at your cortisol rhythm across the day, your testosterone and its breakdown products, your estrogens and how your body breaks them down, your DHEA, your melatonin, and a set of organic acid markers that include neurotransmitter breakdown products and B vitamin status. This is part of a framework called HIDDEN+. My training reads the body as one connected system. Six interlinked stress areas (hormones, immune function, digestion, detox, energy production, nervous system) plus oxidative stress as the seventh, which accelerates wear across the other six.
What's your refund policy?
Because this is a physical lab kit and a personal call, refunds are limited. If your kit has not shipped yet, you can request a full refund. Once the kit has shipped, the lab work and the Read Call are non-refundable. We will honor the Read Call regardless of what the results show.
Lab Test Disclaimers
Because this is a physical lab kit and a personal call, refunds are limited. If your kit has not shipped yet, you can request a full refund. Once the kit has shipped, the lab work and the Read Call are non-refundable.
We will honor the Read Call regardless of what the results show.
The DUTCH test is not the right test during pregnancy or breastfeeding. If you are pregnant or currently breastfeeding, this is not the right offer for you yet.
The DUTCH test and Read Call are currently unavailable to residents of New York, New Jersey, and Rhode Island. If your primary residence is in one of those states, please do not order. If you live in Maryland, please write to me at [email protected] before you order, because the lab has restrictions on ordering there.
LET'S LOOK AT YOUR FULL DAY OF CORTISOL AND HORMONES
The Test. The Read. That Is The Whole Offer.
The DUTCH test is the same panel used by Functional Diagnostic Nutrition Practitioners and functional medicine doctors around the world. The Read Call is built on the same training I went through to make sense of my own results. You get the data, and you get someone who will sit with you and translate it. That is the whole offer.
What's Included...
The DUTCH Complete test kit, shipped to your door
A 60-minute Read Call with Franko
A seven-day email follow-up window
Lab processing through Precision Analytical and your complete results report
A written summary of your top three findings
The Cortisol and Hormone Companion, a three-module pre-call mini-course
Bonus: the 5 Labs Guide
THAT'S A TOTAL VALUE OF: $1,243
...all for just $547 today
The DUTCH test and Read Call are currently unavailable to residents of New York, New Jersey, and Rhode Island. If your primary residence is in one of those states, please do not order. If you live in Maryland, please write to me at [email protected] before you order, because the lab has restrictions on ordering there.
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These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Because this is a physical lab kit and a personal call, refunds are limited. If your kit has not shipped yet, you can request a full refund. Once the kit has shipped, the lab work and the Read Call are non-refundable. We will honor the Read Call regardless of what the results show.